to G or not to G

This afternoon I was interviewed by a roving reporter for the local e-rag “Stuff” on a pressing topic that has been vexing intellectual minds in the province for months. “Do you support G-strings at the public baths?”. My immediate answer was yes of course I do as this is a matter of personal choice, but as is often the case, further reflection on the topic has improved my focus on the moral battleground between the cheeks.

From a financial perspective, it is clear that the G-string is only a symptom of the difficult economic times, and as a low-cost alternative to proper swim-wear, the G-string fills a niche (so to speak). The G-string is typically worn by under-nourished young women who are economically disadvantaged and can only afford mere offcuts to cover their private regions. Even their butts are hungry!

As a matter of personal choice, it’s each to their own. For example, my wife, an avid watcher of every version of Love Island, has become desensitised to the exposed buttock. She is comfortable to watch others wearing them, but chooses to avoid the practise herself…

Environmentally, clearly the G has a lower carbon footprint than any other form of clothing, and it is this observation that led me to invent the C-string and P-cup. The C has a similar arrangement to modern G-strings, but is made from environmentally friendly recycled cardboard. The P is a product that reduces the G’s footprint further by using a plug arrangement to avoid the need for strings.

Debates will continue on this challenging topic for some time to come, of that we can be sure, and indeed debate is good. Debate helps us understand our respective motivations more clearly through open social discourse. So as a tool to promote social intercourse, long may the G-string continue to hold a place in our butts.